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Friday, July 22, 2011

Walter and Mary

A middle-aged couple prepare for a house party. Mary is ready and bustling about the house ensuring everything is in top form. Walter enters from the bedroom. He is only partly dressed, his pants are undone, he wears one shoe, his shirt is untucked, and he has an untied tie slung around his neck. He holds up a large bundle of ties almost in supplication. They look like a ball of snakes.

Walter: Hon!! (Whining) What colour goes best with this shirt?

Mary: What dear? (Adjusting a vase in the living room).

Walter: I said what tie should I pick?

Mary: (Not looking) It doesn't matter dear, choose any one.

Walter: This certainly does matter. I would not want to clash with the window treatments.

Mary: What dear?

Walter: What tie, what tie!

Mary: (Finally looking at him) I can't understand a word you're saying. If you're looking for neckware you needn't be so formal.

Walter: (Wildly shakes the bundle of ties at her).

Mary: (Sighs) None of them, they're horrible. Take the dark one from the closet.

Walter: (Grumbles and turns away) Stupid woman.

Mary: (Pleasantly) What dear?

Walter: (Turns back and yells). I said you are a...stupid...woman!

Mary: (Chiding him) Stop speaking gibberish you silly man. I'm sure it amuses you but our guests won't find your antics entertaining.

Walter: They can go to hell with my antics and so can you. My antics indeed!

Mary: (Worried, approaches him) Walter you're not making any sense, are you having a stroke?

Walter: (Sarcastic) Yes I think that's it, a blood vessal has burst in my brain and is bleeding inside my skull. I...(doorbell rings and the sound of laughter us heard from outside).

Mary: Oh God, Walter, go finish getting ready and don't babble in front of our guests. It's not funny, it's embarrassing!

Walter stomps back into the bedroom as guests arrive and fill the room. Mary runs around taking coats , getting drinks, and finding seats for everybody. Eventually she has so many coats she can't see over the pile and she tries to open the bedroom door to drop them on her bed. Her hands are too full to turn the doorknob. She does not want to drop her guest jackets on the floor and nobody helps her. She kicks at the door but Walter does not open it.

Mary: (Quietly, trying to whisper at first but quickly getting louder and more shrill) Walter...Walter...Walter...WALTER!!!


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